Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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