Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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