I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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