Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
