Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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