I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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