He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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