he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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