it hurts more in the daytime
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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