So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
