i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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