Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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