I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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