I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize