I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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