Don't make out with my wife yet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize