So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
