I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
