if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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