oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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