I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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