I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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