I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
