Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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