I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you inspire me to be a worse person
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
