i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
