Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
