you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize