so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
