Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
