who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
