how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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