The maid of honor just puked.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
