I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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