Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
high people should be assigned attendants
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
