I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
