community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
