epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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