how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
