Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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