it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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