Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
