You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize