Barsexuality is the new black.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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