Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
