he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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