so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
