His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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