You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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