So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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