I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
