I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
