I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
