Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
