guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
