i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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