her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These tits shall not be calmed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
