How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My dick has a subreddit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
