Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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