You work out of a Hotel?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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