he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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