Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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