a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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