Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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