Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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