Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
