I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize