Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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